Friday, July 04, 2014

"Mainstream UFO Coverage Doesn’t Get Much Better Than This Clash of Titans"

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America's UFO Sightings

Pure fireworks

By Billy Cox
De Void

     While we know corporate media has a glandular aversion to covering the UFO controversy, we also know the spectacle of little green man costumes and deely-bopper pageantry acts like catnip on their news judgement. They can’t help it — they pounce, they lather up in the images, they know what we like. Charlie Sheen would take a rain check on a booty call before the MSM passes on a space alien parade.

Well, it’s that time of year again, when tens of thousands of American party monsters converge in New Mexico for the annual Roswell UFO Festival, and we know the newsies will be out there in the streets, not at the lecture halls. But this year, not even The Economist — the distinguished British zine that wouldn’t normally deign to soil its white gloves with UFO skank — could resist the occasion. After reviewing sighting reports from the National UFO Reporting Center logs going back to Y2K, the periodical published its findings under the headline “Everything You Need To Know About UFOs.” And you’re not gonna believe the punchline: “(UFOs) tend to arrive in the evening, especially on Fridays, when folks are sitting on the front porch nursing their fourth beer, the better to appreciate flashing lights in the heavens.”

Whoa! Ha-HAAA! Damn! This really IS everything we need to know!

OK now, when you’re finished laughing and you’ve managed to scrape yourself off the floor, you’re not gonna believe who attacks the Economist's data — The Atlantic magazine! I know, right? But forget the title, “The Hard Data on UFO Sightings: It's Mostly Drunk People in the West” — the roundhouse is coming, man, and it's in the subtitle: “At least, that's one interpretation.”

Oh yeah, the Brits are in for a whumpin' now, and The Atlantic’s statistical analyst Derek Thompson really zings ‘em good. “What the Economist calls drinking hours,” Thompson writes, “are also the hours we're most likely to be outside looking at anything bright contrasting with the dark sky.” Ka-pow! The mouthguard comes hurtling toward spectators in the mezzanine! SportsCenter face-music highlight reel, dawg! But Thompson doesn’t stop there. The pundit notes how the state with the lowest beer consumption has a far higher UFO reporting rate than the state with the highest beer-drinking levels. And the state with the highest number of reports consumes less booze than all but six states. "There is more to the story," warns Thompson, merely winding up, "than alcohol, sheeple."

Then he polishes off The Economist with a wicked coup de grace, the kind of pile-driver stuff you'd see in the Roman Forum around 75 AD. “Have you considered,” Thompson concludes, “aliens ‘choose’ to fly over drunk people to destroy witnesses' credibility?”

Slam dunk Atlantic. Mainstream UFO coverage doesn’t get much better than this clash of titans. But hey, look at the clock -- it’s almost the Fourth. Can I knock off early and go look for UFOs at The Gator Club?

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