What are UFOs Now, Cooties, Boogers?

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

What are UFOs Now, Cooties, Boogers?

Who’ll do Larry King’s UFOs?

By Billy Cox
De Void
7-16-10

Given the upcoming departure of Larry King from CNN, the not unreasonable next question is: Will the network continue to serve up the once-in-a-blue-moon UFO fare that marked some of The King’s more memorable moments?

Working on a well-sourced tip that a certain veteran producer was the real mover-shaker behind “Larry King Live”’s UFO programming (Larry allegedly is not a fan), De Void contacted said individual, who told De Void to contact yet another producer. This Another Producer protested that she was only in charge of bookings and couldn’t speak with the press unless authorized by publicity.

Understanding well in advance that such a query would fly like a pregnant rhinoceros in the pole vault, De Void nevertheless fulfilled the obligation and e-mailed one Ryan Jimenez at TBS Inc., in Tinseltown. Kept it simple, asked for permission to speak to a producer about CNN’s future UFO coverage. Jimenez replied: “Nothing to comment on — can’t predict the news.” De Void reminded Jimenez that certain things can be predicted, like the Roswell Anniversary Festival, same time every year and all that, then regurgitated the request. Jimenez pulled a Kevin Spacey in “Glengarry Glen Ross” with an abrupt “Not possible.”

Just for the sheer king-hell fun of it, De Void then asked Jimenez for Ted Turner’s contact information. And heard the slatted blinds slap shut three agitated time zones away.

OK, this is childish. What are UFOs now, cooties, boogers? Not something professional adult network execs with any dignity should be caught discussing with — gulp — the media?

Seriously — anybody out there have contact info on Ted Turner? Not a front-gate munchkin or corporate rat-maze phone tree but something with a luxury-suite human being on the other end? It’s Friday afternoon. Time for a decent lapse of judgement.